Title: DVDs and Green M&Ms
Pairing: McKay/Sheppard, McKay/Sheppard/Beckett
Notes: This is for the Urban Legends Challenge and is a combination of Legends 94 and 89 - Couple accidentally returns erotic tape of themselves to video store (modified slightly) and Green M&Ms are an aphrodisiac, respectively. Beta-ed by neth_dugan. :)
When General Landry had called Rodney’s apartment, John hadn’t thought anything of it. Hell, Landry called once or twice a day when Rodney was off, asking about personnel and ensuring that the couriers had delivered all the paperwork that needed to be done before Rodney could head off to Canada to see his sister.
So when Rodney returned to the apartment a few hours later, laden with a box of DVDs and his face a bright shade of pink, John was more than a little surprised. Rodney looked for all the world, like someone who had just been outted.
He didn’t know how very close he was.
“We have a problem,” Rodney choked. He threw his jacket across the room and yanked John close, kissing him hard and fast. He was kissing as if it were the last time and John was worried.
John forced himself to pull away and looked at his boyfriend, “What’s wrong?”
Rodney blinked and with slumped shoulders, picked up one of the DVDs and stuck it into his computer. “Remember when I said that we should buy a digital camera instead of renting a DVD-R because I knew we’d end up making more than one video?”
Okay, now he was definitely confused, “Yes. You wanted to make sure we didn’t leave any DVDs behind...” John’s eyebrows furrowed. They couldn’t have left a disc in the player could they?
“Well, next time listen to me,” Rodney said as he hit play and the screen showed them as they curled up on the bed, naked and just a little sweaty.
John’s voice floated above the noise of Rodney as he groaned and whined, spitting out phrases like fuck me! and God, Rodney, oh. oh. There. Fuck.
“Did you get these from the base?” He asked in a state of half-panic, half-arousal – he wasn’t looking at the screen but Rodney was loud during sex and the computer had good speakers. John’s normal state of calm had disappeared as he thought, in a Rodney-like fashion, of the worst case scenario – he could be removed from the expedition for that.
He could be kicked out of the Air Force for that.
John winced, “Who found them?” He was almost hesitant to ask, but he needed to know in case there was any bribery or begging that could be done.
“Daniel Jackson. He didn’t so much find them as he and Sam plugged it in and the disc – which you so left in there – started playing. And then the General walked in,” Rodney responded, allowing himself to imagine General Landry walking into Jackson’s office and finding two members of the flagship team watching homemade porn. It eased the tension running through him only slightly.
“What’s with all these then?”
Rodney glared, “Sam made copies.”
Which was how Rodney and John ended up at her house that night (and not in their own bed as John would have liked), sitting on Sam Carter’s porch until she arrived. Granted they should have called it early morning, but the sun was still down and Rodney was still wide awake.
“What are you two doing here?” She asked, amusedly. She knew why both men were there, of course, but she wanted a little retribution on Rodney for his behavior through the years. And, if she were being true to herself, she wanted a little revenge for Rodney, universe’s biggest walking sphincter, getting a hot guy.
Rodney fidgeted and she smirked, prompting him to glare, “Listen, black widow, I want to work out a deal so he doesn’t get kicked out.”
Sam didn’t appreciate being called a black widow and was tempted to reply it wasn’t John’s job he should worry about, but she knew Pegasus was the farthest she could send Rodney and he was already assigned there. “There’s nothing to worry about.”
“Really?” John perked up. His eyes sparked and Sam once again hated Rodney.
“Yes, really. I’m not that embittered. Besides, Ja... General O’Neill would have lost the paperwork on a court martial for this the minute it crossed his desk,” She grinned and watched as Rodney lost all the color in his face. He did a wonderful impression of a fish, gesturing with his hands weakly and Sam nodded at him, “I’m not telling anything but let’s just say Daniel keeps him on a tight leash.”
Then she slipped up her steps and into the house, watching through the window for a second as John laughed and Rodney continued to do the fish-hand thing. Then John rose, still smiling, and pulled Rodney to their car.
It seemed to take a while for the shock to wear off; John had nearly buckled the man in when Rodney snapped to and grabbed the seatbelt himself. If she were a better person she’d probably call and let them know Daniel was waiting at Rodney’s apartment with Jack, but she wandered into her living room instead.
She’d been holding onto the DVD for a few days; Sam had been the one to set up the DVR in Daniel’s office and had discovered the program on the HDD. Rodney had believed Landry when the General told him there’d only been one DVD of which copies had been made.
What she’d really had was the program burned on the HDD portion of the machine. She’d deleted it after burning her own copy for private use, out of respect for John (not Rodney), and from that created several editions.
She checked off the mental list in her head of who she needed favors from as she put the disc into her player. Turning it on, she watched Rodney sit on the end of the bed, naked but for a pair of what had to have been John’s boxers, and the remote in his hand. Then John appeared and Rodney was pulled into a kiss. He’d certainly managed the art of complaining even with a hand on his dick.
Sam hit fastforward and stopped midway through, thinking to herself, ‘God, Rodney’s loud.’
When Rodney got back to Atlantis following the DVD incident (for which he still hadn’t forgiven John), Elizabeth was waiting. She’d sent them on their merry way with the information that Zelenka had been injured in a lab accident, but was alright, and oh, yeah. By the way – we have a new ZPM.
Rodney just about orgasmed over it. John had to stamp on the man’s toe to stop him from making sex noises; Rodney glared at him for it and rand off without grabbing any of his belongings. John just simply sighed, smiling at Elizabeth and walking off with both his and Rodney’s bags.
Once he’d unpacked and brought Rodney’s things to his own room, John went in search of Carson, who was – as per usual – sitting in his office. He looked ragged and tired and John knew Carson had likely not slept a wink in two or three days.
“I’m surprised your staff hasn’t mutinied yet,” John said softly, startling the man from his thoughts.
Carson glanced up, smiled wistfully, and went back to his work, “They know better than to stage a coup. I know all their secrets, Colonel.” Beckett sighed after a minute of silence passed, telling John, “I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you both got in. Radek’s wounds are healed, but he’s been going in and out of consciousness from the meds and I haven’t...”
John had slipped closer while Carson talked and cut him off with a kiss. He took advantage of Carson’s momentary shock to tell him, “You haven’t gotten any sleep in the last few days. Let’s go back to our quarters, we can pry Rodney away from the ZPM on the way, and we can have sex and sleep.”
He had said the latter part so nonchalantly that Carson hadn’t had time to process it until they were halfway to John’s room and he stopped dead in the middle of the corridor. “You... him... me... sex?” Carson sputtered, unsure of what was going on and when the feelings overwhelmed him, he turned and fled back to the safety of his own private lab.
Rodney glared at his boyfriend, “I left the ZPM under the promise of sex.”
John groaned – Rodney was so going to make his life miserable.
Over the following weeks, Carson regularly found gifts waiting for him in his office though predominately tended to find green m&ms. They’d started appearing in threes, he’d noticed – three of the candies in a cup on his desk, six were sitting under the sandwich Rodney brought him.
Two days before, one of the two troublemakers had filled his labcoat pockets with them and though his staff had found it amusing, Carson was starting to get annoyed. He was still munching on the damned things; the nurses had taken it to mean Carson had taken himself a lover, the other doctors he oversaw snickered when ever he tossed back a handful.
No one dared tell him what they thought about green m&ms. At least, no one in the medical division told him.
Radek, however, had no qualms about letting Carson know about the urban legend, his eyes owlish and a smile on his lips when Carson chewed three more thoughtfully.
“The bloody fools,” Carson muttered. “They’re willing to waste their relationship on...”
“They aren’t wasting it,” Radek retorted and told him what he’d known for some time, “They like you.” It was the face that Radek made, which told Carson it was a little more complex than John and Rodney simply liking him but it was intriguing nonetheless.
It continued to be intriguing during lunch and through the end of his shift. It grew even more intriguing when Rodney sat down with him for dinner and slid a hand onto Carson’s thigh, all the while carrying on a conversation about the Ancient’s astrophysics.
“So, doc, what are you up to tonight?” John asked before taking another bite of his meatloaf. He made a face at the taste, but it was momentary and John swallowed quickly, “Anything interesting?”
“Just some medical texts,” he replied and stood up with his tray, signaling he had finished his own meal. “By the way,” Carson reached into his pocket and gently settled a handful of the m&ms on the table, “I could be persuaded to give up reading, though.”
As he left the mess, Carson could hear Rodney and John talking quickly between them; both men knew Carson had just accepted their proposal.
Carson had decided to jump in the shower following dinner, fully expecting at least Rodney to show up at some point. He grinned as he washed his hair, thinking of how pleasant sex could be with two men instead of one.
He was mid-soaping his chest and trying to ignore his cock, when someone stepped into the shower behind him. A thin, hairy arm settled around his chest and John fitted Carson to him. “Mmm, I was wondering how long it’d take you to warm up to the idea,” John breathed in his ear.
“I liked the free candy.”
John laughed breathlessly, “I thought so.” Then there was kisses being pressed to his temple and Carson managed to turn around, meeting John’s lips. There was a struggle between them, moving and shifting until Carson’s back was pressed up against the shower wall. John pressed their cocks together and thrust gently against his new lover. “Rodney will be here soon. I promised him you wouldn’t come before then.”
Carson made a noise of protest.
“He likes to think he’s in charge and I tend to let him think that until I’ve got him naked,” John told him and bent forward to nip at Carson’s neck, reddening the area and laughing, “Mine now.”
“Hey!” Rodney’s annoyed cry drew the two men’s attention to him. “I thought you were going to wait for me,” he stood with his arms crossed and he stared at them both, clearly not truly caring that John and Carson were making out; Rodney’s eyes were wide and his pupils huge.
John dropped a hand to Carson’s cock, stroking it slowly and watching as Rodney rocked back on his heels. He looked back at Carson and dropped to his knees, saying, “We’re going to have a great night.”
Carson was inclined to agree when him when John’s mouth descended onto his cock, sucking the head gently, and he moaned.
The noise caused Rodney to moan himself. He’d never been able to appreciate the sight of John on his knees before (he was usually too boneless when John blew him to notice) and it made him shiver. Carson was trembling – trembling – against the wall and his hands were threaded in John’s hair.
When Carson finally came, it was loudly and John nearly choked in the effort to swallow. He got to his feet once Carson had softened; Rodney was in the shower before John could kiss Carson again.
“I hate you both. I haven’t come in my pants since I was in the tenth grade,” Rodney whined.
“Is he always like this?” Carson asked and received only a nod in reply.